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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24396403">Not Your Responsibility</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/fairytaleslayer/pseuds/fairytaleslayer'>fairytaleslayer</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Adora (She-Ra) Needs a Hug, Anxious Adora (She-Ra), Catra gets to be the support for once, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Nightmares, Post Season 5, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 03:40:10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,004</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24396403</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/fairytaleslayer/pseuds/fairytaleslayer</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Adora has never learned how to put herself first, even after the war ends. Catra wants her girlfriend to take a break, but Adora is conflicted about her place in the world.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Adora/Catra (She-Ra)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>688</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Wait. <em>WHAT </em>? How did this not come up?”</p><p>Adora rubbed the back of her head and grimaced. “It wasn’t exactly...relevant?”</p><p>Catra shook her head. Her girlfriend was such - <em> such </em> an idiot sometimes. She took a deep breath like Perfuma had taught her, letting some of the urge to yell go. Adora didn’t respond well to yelling. Neither of them did. “Adora. You’re a First One. From another planet. You were born on another planet, stolen by that Light Hope jerk in that crystal fort -”</p><p>“Crystal Castle.”</p><p>“- whatever. You’re saying scary spider lady dragged you here as a baby just to let you get kidnapped by Hordak while he was trying to build a portal to get back to big brother.” Catra winced at the reminder of Horde Prime, claws unconsciously moving up to scrape against the scar left by the chip. Adora grabbed her hand on instinct, pulling it away from doing any damage, as she had done for the last few months. Catra gave her a small smile in thanks but couldn’t be deterred from the more pressing issue. “Adora. You could have - I don’t know - a family? Somewhere?”</p><p>“Catra,” Adora sighed, “the First Ones, they - they aren’t <em> good</em>. They turned our home into a weapon to destroy worlds. My entire destiny was to activate it. I was made to destroy things.”</p><p>Catra grabbed Adora by both shoulders, barely holding off from shaking her just the tiniest bit. “That was a thousand years ago and the only thing you destroyed was the tool they made to try to make you do it. You got rid of the sword, you said it yourself. Eight foot tall warrior princess can’t be used like that again. You did that, Adora.”</p><p>“And barely had enough control over She-Ra without the sword to stop Ho- <em> him </em> from destroying the universe,” Adora groaned, running a hand over her bangs. Melog mewled and nosed at her thigh while its tail curled around Catra’s ankle, trying to calm the both of them down. Adora dropped her hand to pet the head of the creature that was, in so many ways, the window into Catra’s emotions she had always wanted. She had never been the best at reading situations, and so much of their miscommunication over the years could have been fixed if she was just <em> better </em> at this kind of thing.</p><p>“This is why I said we should take a vacation before going on that ‘road trip’,” Catra muttered, tail whipping back and forth in agitation. “<em>Clearly </em> this is still a problem.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Your, your - <em> obsession </em> with the idea that <em> everything </em> is your responsibility Adora! You’ve done it since we were kids! I know I didn’t understand, and we are not getting into all the ways I messed up because of that right now, but Shadow Weaver made everything your responsibility. Me, Kyle, the rest of our squad, our results, our punishments, you being made Force Captain. She - she conditioned you to think that it was all your fault. She <em> tortured </em>me and made you think you’d done it because you ‘didn’t keep me in line’. If only you’d kept a better eye on me right?” Adora’s look of shame was all the confirmation Catra needed. “She drove us apart Adora - she did such a good job of it she convinced me I hated you. That I wanted to kill you.” It hurt to say, even after all the apologies and forgiveness they both had given each other since that terrible, wonderful day under the Heart. </p><p>Catra stepped closer to her girlfriend, nuzzling into the space between her neck and shoulder. Adora automatically brought her hand up to rub gently behind Catra’s ear, setting off her rumbling purr that was becoming much more commonplace in the space between them. Catra could feel the scars she’d left on Adora’s back, both from the Battle at Bright Moon and more recently on the flagship. </p><p>“None of it was your fault, Adora,” she murmured. “Not the Horde, or Shadow Weaver, Hordak, Pr-Prime. Not the First Ones. Not me. There is no cosmic destiny for you to fulfill, just - what do you want, Adora?”</p><p>Hands tightened against her head and around her back as Adora clung to Catra. “Mara never wanted there to be another She-Ra. She was supposed to be the last - sacrificed herself to be the last. Mara told me she wanted more for me than just this. We were always told it was a weakness. I never really thought about it. Ever,” Adora admitted. “Even back in the Horde, it was always ‘Save Etheria’. Everything just kept getting bigger until it turned into ‘Save the Universe’. The only thing I wanted Shadow Weaver told me I could never have.”</p><p>“What was that?”</p><p>“You.”</p><p>Even though she knew - she <em> knew </em> beyond a doubt, it still sent a happy shiver running through Catra’s body that Adora had wanted her for just as long as Catra had been pining for Adora. Not that she would ever admit to pining. In public. Maybe in a quiet room with just Adora around if she was in a <em> very </em>good mood. “You have me now,” Catra reassured her. “I’m not letting go.” Not again.</p><p>The room they shared was silent for a long, drawn out minute. The last few months hadn’t been easy on either of them, even without a war to fight. Perhaps <em> because </em> there was no war to fight. They had been raised as soldiers, and the lack of clear focus for each day was - unsettling. Which probably wasn’t a stellar commendation for the way they were brought up with the whole child soldier thing. Catra put it out of her mind to worry about later. They could deal with that particular childhood trauma in a while - she was <em> excellent </em> at ignoring her emotional problems. Right now, she was more concerned with the fact that Adora hadn’t slept the night through since the Heart. Probably before.</p><p>“You’re exhausted,” she murmured. Catra’s nightmares woke them up often enough, but half the time she jerked awake in terror with green flashes and electricity covered water filling her head, Adora’s eyes were already open, and had been for a while. “You aren’t sleeping.”</p><p>“I sleep enough,” Adora immediately deflected. “There’s just so much to do...Glimmer and her dad have to work out ruling Bright Moon, Bow is moving his dads back to their home from the First One’s ruins, the rest of the princesses have their kingdoms to rebuild, all those towns…”</p><p>And wasn’t this familiar? Catra scowled to herself. Adora making everyone else’s problems her own still. After they’d <em> just </em>talked about this. “Hey,” she said, voice sharp. “Be Adora right now, not savior of the universe. Just be Adora.”</p><p>Adora trailed off, eyes fixed on Catra. All at once, her body seemed to wilt, and Catra barely had time to tug her closer before she was holding up almost all of Adora’s weight. “I’m so tired,” Adora whispered. “I mean, I did it. We did it. But what am I supposed to do now that it’s over? Everyone always needed She-Ra, they see She-Ra. Not me. I <em> have </em>to be her - otherwise, what if they won’t want me?”</p><p>Catra’s heart panged at the insecurity plaguing her girlfriend’s tone. She half carried Adora over to their bed, laying them both down with Adora practically draped over her own body. Catra started purring, hoping it would soothe the anxious girl lying on her chest. “If they don’t, they’re all idiots. Adora has always been amazing, and she’s who I fell in love with. Not some hero <em> princess </em>with a dumb sword. Just Adora.”</p><p>Tension seeped out of Adora as she allowed her body to sink into Catra’s, finally relaxing. “Promise?” she asked, voice sounding younger than Catra had heard in years.</p><p>They would talk about the issues from tonight later. Adora’s reveal that had set off this whole conversation, both of their insecurities, the broken promises to each other over the years, and how maybe it wasn’t their fault they hadn’t been able to keep them. There would be nightmares and tears and screams as they both tried to heal from a lifetime of pain, but for now, only two words mattered.</p><p>“I promise.”</p>
<hr/><p>The pain in her legs was overwhelming. Adora reminded herself not to leap off ledges without knowing where the bottom was ever again, unless it was for a very good cause. Lifting her head, she saw the girl she’d fallen for - both literally and figuratively, at this moment - lying splayed and vulnerable on the cold metal floor. Adora tried to scramble to her feet only to be forced to crawl to Catra’s body. “Catra?<em> Catra </em>?” Her voice quivered with fear. “It’s okay. I’m here.”</p><p>Catra’s breathing was strained - weak, and she was otherwise completely still. Like she was - no. No, she wasn’t dying. She would be fine. Adora just had to get her back to Mara’s ship and then - something. She would think of something then. She buried her face in Catra’s shoulder, breathing her in for just a moment.</p><p>Those clones - all the man she had feared her entire life, yet somehow worse. There was always a more frightening nightmare in her life these days, in this case, Horde Prime. He’d <em> taken </em> Catra, made her someone else, and Adora would make him <em> pay</em>. She would destroy every piece of his empire. </p><p>Filled with anger and her need for Catra to be <em> safe</em>, summoning She-Ra was instinctual. She-Ra scattered the clones and quickly escaped to the ship, leaving Catra with Bow and Glimmer while she got the ship away from Prime. </p><p>“Adora!” Bow yelled. “Adora, quick!”</p><p>Adora abandoned the controls and fell to her knees by Catra’s side. “Catra?!” Her body was still - too still. When was the last time Adora saw her breathe? When she’d transformed? “No, Catra, you’re not done. Not yet.” This wasn’t how this was supposed to go. Adora was supposed to save her, not lose her right at the last moment. She tried to summon the healing powers that had once saved Shadow Weaver. The brighter golden glow appeared and covered both of them, but Catra didn’t move. “No no no no. No! Catra!” This wasn’t the way this went. Catra was supposed to wake <em> up</em>.</p>
<hr/><p>“<em>Catra</em>!” </p><p>The scream startled both Adora and Catra out of sleep, with Melog mewling and escaping to the floor as Adora dissolved into a panic attack. “Hey,” Catra said, scrambling to her hands and knees. “Hey, Adora, it’s okay. You’re safe, I’m safe. I’m here.” She waited until Adora reached out blindly before taking her hand and pulling her in for a tight hug. “Everything’s fine Adora. Just breathe.” Catra started to purr, letting Adora listen and try to draw herself back to the present. </p><p>When Adora’s breathing was down to a more normal pace, synced with Catra’s, Catra detangled them just a bit so she could eye her girlfriend. Adora had bangs plastered to her forehead, was trembling, and still had a kind of wild look in her gaze. Tears seeped from the corners of her eyes and she hunched over to burrow herself into Catra’s exposed stomach. “You’re here,” she whined, clutching at her hips. </p><p>“I’m here. They’ve all gone. And they can’t hurt us again - I promise Adora.”</p><p>“I hate it,” Adora muttered. </p><p>Catra frowned, unsure what Adora might be talking about. “What, Adora? What do you hate?”</p><p>Adora’s hands clenched, grasping at the short tufts of fur along Catra’s sides. “He used you to get to <em> her </em> , and I played right into it. I just got you back. I can’t lose you again Catra. You - you <em> died</em>.”</p><p>“I didn’t die, Adora. I’m right here - you saved me, remember? Like you always do.” There wasn’t even the normal heat in her voice at that fact. It was just a simple truth now, and Catra was okay with Adora rescuing her, as long as Catra got to return the favor every once in a while. And saving the world and universe by saving Adora had made up a lot of that ground in her mind. “What do you hate, Adora?” she gently asked again.</p><p>Catra didn’t get the answer she expected. “She-Ra. All she’s ever done is take my choices away. Everything in my life is her fault. Whatever chance I had at a normal one I lost because Light Hope pulled me into that portal. And then I was forced from the life I had because that stupid sword wouldn’t leave me alone after I found it. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t think. I <em> had </em> to go out into the woods that night. I couldn’t resist it anymore. I lost <em> you </em> because it forced me back out there. I’ve fought on all sides of this war, I’ve fought against you, against warlords, sorcerers, I nearly had my memories erased.” Adora fisted her hands in Catra’s fur tighter. “I wasn’t <em> allowed </em> to care if I lived or died, so I just - stopped. I did try, Catra. I tried to still be the girl you grew up with.” Her eyes were pleading for Catra to understand just how hard she’d tried. “I wanted to stay the girl who fell in love with you, but I wasn’t allowed to keep that either.” </p><p>Catra thumbed away the tears that were falling again, careful not to scratch Adora’s cheeks. “I know. And I still loved the little bits I saw, even though I hid it.” She pressed a kiss right below her hairline. “I love you, Adora.”</p><p>“How much of my life is even real?” Adora wondered, almost to herself. “How many times did Shadow Weaver change our memories? Did I ever try to run away with you? To escape?”</p><p>“Hey. Thinking like that, asking those questions, it won’t get you anywhere Adora.” Catra sharpened her tone, trying to pull Adora back to herself before she spiralled again. “We’re here now. <em> That’s </em> what matters. Everything that happened to <em> both </em>of us, it has to be worth it, because I’m here with you.”</p><p>Adora let out a shuddering breath, tears still wetting the patches of fur beneath her. “My entire identity has been She-Ra for so long - how messed up is it that I think I hate her sometimes, and at the same time I can’t let go of her?” Her voice was so tired. “Can I stop now?” she begged.</p><p>“Yes. You can stop, Adora. It’s okay to rest.” Catra hastily wiped away her own tears since, knowing Adora, she’d freak out and put aside her problems to immediately worry about Catra if she noticed. “No one can ask anything more from you.”</p><p>“Except you. I want you to.” Adora looked up from her hiding spot to meet Catra’s eyes, prompting a tiny smile from them both.</p><p>Catra huffed a little, so in love and so sad, two emotions she was pretty sure she’d be feeling for a long time. More nights like this were sure to come. “All I want is for you to stay with me, and when you go somewhere doing more heroic business like I know you and the nerd squad will, take me with you. From now on.”</p><p>“That’s all I want too.”</p><p>“Then we’ll keep working at it. You and me. No She-Ra - just put her down for a little bit. You saved the universe with her, and you get to learn how to be you again. And you can show Arrow Boy and Sparkles who Adora is. You can choose that for that yourself, Adora. You get to choose now. You get to put yourself first, for the first time in your life.” Catra’s claws worked their way through Adora’s hair, making her hum and blink sleepily. “All that stuff from before, it’s over now. No more First Ones, no more Horde. Just forget about them, Adora, and sleep.” </p><p>Catra worked with Adora to get them both laying comfortably again. Adora stayed lower, keeping her head on Catra’s chest to hear her heartbeat. “Stay?” she eventually asked.</p><p>“I’m staying,” Catra reassured her, hand still combing through her hair while she purred. “Close your eyes, Adora. You’re safe, and I love you.”</p><p>A tap on her stomach. “Love you too,” Adora whispered, letting her eyes fall shut. </p><p>She wasn’t okay yet - neither of them were - and they might not be for a long time. But Catra had finally seen a side of Adora she’d wanted since long before she’d run from the Horde. The side of her girlfriend that needed healing and protection, just as much as Catra did. The part that made the two of them different from all the princesses and the rest of the Rebellion. Adora was letting herself be vulnerable and stop pretending that everything was okay all the time, trusting that Catra would hold her up until she was ready to stand. Someday she would love being She-Ra again, but until then, loving Catra was better.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Adora has more nightmares because I'm a glutton for recovering from trauma.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Pain.</p><p>Everything hurt.</p><p>The failsafe glowed on her chest, growing brighter even as the light turned green. She was going to be too late if she didn’t let go now. Didn’t let the magic eat her whole and so be set loose across all of Etheria. Everyone would be safe. And she -</p><p>“<em>T</em><em>he world needs She-Ra. Not Adora.” </em></p><p><em> “Then what use </em> are <em> you?” </em></p><p><em> “You need to </em> focus<em>. No distractions.” </em></p><p>
  <em> “All you’ve done since you got here is made everything worse!” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “How long will you drag this out?” </em>
</p><p><em> “A beautiful wish</em>.”</p><p>Adora screamed as the pain grew even stronger. The green of Horde Prime’s virus suffused the Heart.</p><p>No. No she was too late.</p><p>She’d failed.</p><p>The pain overwhelmed her, ate at her until there was nothing left.</p><hr/><p>Catra woke abruptly when she was nearly shoved out of bed. She yelped and sprang backwards, nearly landing on her thrashing and whining but still sleeping girlfriend. A quick glance showed that this was more than her normal sleep-fighting - a nightmare. A bad one too, by the look of it. Catra crouched over Adora, careful not to grab her yet.</p><p>“Adora. <em> Adora! </em>Adora wake up!”</p><p>Adora gasped awake and immediately swung out in self defense, only for her fist to be caught in a strong, clawed hand as another cupped her cheek.</p><p>“Adora, it’s me! You’re safe. It’s Catra.”</p><p>Adora didn’t dare to open her eyes, not ready to see the pulsing green light of the infected Heart, wondering why she wasn’t dead yet. The pain in her chest hadn’t faded, leaving Adora struggling for breath as she clutched at the skin where the failsafe had burned bright. A hand moved to cover her own as she whined in pain. </p><p>“<em>Breathe </em>Adora. You need to breathe. It’s not real - it can’t hurt you anymore,” Catra tried to soothe her. This wasn’t the first time Adora had woken up in a panic over the last few months, beyond even her normal nightmares, desperate to remove a pain that was no longer there. </p><p>It had taken some convincing on Adora’s part that it was okay, but now Catra did everything she could to yank her girlfriend out of the dreamscape - even getting physical with her when necessary. Her own nightmares left her shying away from touch until she’d calmed, but Adora was the opposite. She needed reminding of the world around her, so easily confused and taken back to years of war when she woke abruptly.</p><p>“It...hurts…” Adora grunted, legs writhing until Catra sat on them.</p><p>“I know but it’s not real, Adora. Open your eyes and look. There’s no failsafe. It’s just phantom pain.”</p><p>The pain didn’t let up. “Is everyone safe? Was that real?” She groaned, eyes clenched shut.</p><p>Catra frowned, worry still filling her at Adora’s confusion. “Yeah Adora. We’re in Bright Moon, in your room. It’s been four months since the war ended.” She put her hand on Adora’s shoulder, letting her claws out just enough to prick at Adora’s skin without breaking it and drawing blood. Drawing Adora back to her. Adora’s eyes rose to meet Catra’s for the first time since she woke but immediately flickered away as she curled up at the head of the bed. “Adora?”</p><p>“Is Shadow Weaver really gone?”</p><p>The sudden change in the conversation’s direction threw Catra. “Ye-Yeah, she is. She died down in the Heart, remember?”</p><p>Adora nodded absently. “She tried to make me leave you,” she murmured. “So many times. Said that you were a distraction, that I couldn’t let you keep me from being She-Ra because that’s who the world needed. Not me. Never me. Like I’d <em> forgotten </em> my duty and she knew better than me,” she scoffed. “Like I could ever forget.”</p><p>Well if this was what Adora wanted to address tonight, they could. Progress was progress. “Hey. You know Shadow Weaver was wrong, don’t you?”</p><p>Adora looked up from where she’d buried her face in her knees. “Huh?” Her breaths were still uneven from the nightmare.</p><p>Catra grimaced, her ears flat against her head. “What she said in Mystacor. Everything she said how basically it wouldn’t matter if you <em> died </em>because that would mean everyone else was okay and that the magic would be free. She was wrong.” Her tail whipped and Melog stuck their head in her lap, trying to calm their partner down. “She was wrong our whole lives.”</p><p>“She hurt us. She was supposed to take care of us, but all she ever did was hurt us,” Adora murmured, voice young. “She hurt you the most. Why did she do that?”</p><p>A growl escaped before Catra could hold it in. She didn’t want to freak out Adora anymore than she already was from whatever her nightmare had been. Catra could tell her mind still wasn’t all in the present, too caught up in the pain of the past. “I don’t know,” was the only answer she could come up with. “Too much like her, I guess.”</p><p>“I couldn’t protect you from her. Ever. But with the sword - I could protect everyone else. I thought - maybe if I could keep the world safe, maybe that would make up for every time I failed you.” Tears ran down her cheeks and Adora hid behind her knees again, arms wrapped tight around her legs as she curled into the corner of the bed. “Every time I didn’t stand up to her.”</p><p>Catra put a hand on Adora’s calf, trying not to startle her. Adora flinched anyway, but didn’t try to escape the touch. “If you had, it would’ve just made it worse for everyone, Adora. She hurt you just as bad, it was just different. I know that now.”</p><p>Adora stared at Catra’s hand, as if wondering why it would even be there. “Worse for everyone,” she muttered, absentmindedly wiping her eyes. “Glimmer told me that.”</p><p>“In your nightmare?”</p><p>Catra’s heart sank when Adora shook her head. “After we lost Angella, couple days before she set off the Heart the first time and you and her got taken to space. She said that all I’d done since I got to the Rebellion was make everything worse. She trusted <em> Shadow Weaver </em> more than me. Maybe she was - I don’t know -”</p><p>“She was wrong,” Catra said firmly before Adora could complete her thought. “Take it from someone who almost destroyed the world because I couldn’t stand being wrong. Because I was jealous.”</p><p>Of course that was what pulled Adora out of her funk - defending Catra from herself. “You were hurting,” she said, uncurling finally. “And lashing out. I’m not trying to make excuses for you,” she added before Catra could protest. “I know you don’t want that. But they - they - they abused us,” Adora forced herself to say, truly acknowledging it for the first time ever. “I couldn’t recognize what was right - that how she treated you was wrong. And you responded to everything exactly how you were taught. To fight back, attack before you were hurt again. And you broke that cycle on Prime’s ship. You’re the reason we saved the universe. I’m the one that failed.”</p><p>“Adora, you didn’t -”</p><p>“I did,” Adora interrupted her. “I gave up. I thought me dying down there would be enough to save everyone, but Prime’s virus worked quicker. Etheria would have been destroyed because of my mistake if you hadn’t been there.”</p><p>That was enough. “No!” Catra shouted, pouncing on Adora’s chest and knocking her flat on her back, panting against the mattress. “That was <em> not </em> your fault Adora! You didn’t make a mistake. You say Shadow Weaver abused us? You’re right, she did. She hurt me for no reason, and because of her you have this - this <em> savior </em> complex. Don’t try to tell me you don’t, you can’t deny it. And that isn’t your fault either, but you <em> can’t </em> let go of this idea that you’re only worth something when you’re sacrificing everything.” They were both breathing too fast. “You’re worth <em> everything </em> Adora.” </p><p>She cupped Adora’s face with her hands, forcing her to meet her gaze. Catra’s ears were flat against her head, her tail whipping anxiously back and forth as she tried to get through to her girlfriend. She’d known this would come up eventually, especially after their first nighttime talk just a few weeks ago. Adora’s dreams were getting worse - not better. Catra had practically begged her to talk to Perfuma, but Adora insisted she could handle the night terrors on her own. That night, Adora had managed to deflect Catra’s attention to her conflicting emotions about She-Ra from her concerning and utter lack of self preservation, but this was something they were going to have to deal with. Now, apparently. Before it got even worse.</p><p>“Adora, you - we - we both need help.” Adora immediately tried to protest but Catra covered her mouth with one hand. “I’m <em> serious </em> Adora. I’m still working on my anger, jealousy, and <em> so </em> many other issues. I will be for a long time, and I won’t think I deserve you until I do. And don’t say anything about what I deserve, I know what you think about it. That’s just what I <em> need </em> to do. But you, Adora? You ignore your needs. You work until past the point of exhaustion, even though there’s no time limit on rebuilding. You transform so often, and I <em> know </em>it takes from you to do that.”</p><p>“People need She-Ra,” Adora defended herself weakly.</p><p>“And I need Adora,” Catra shot back. “Your friends need Adora. We agreed -” Melog mewled at her, encouraging Catra to take a deep breath before she got too angry. Catra obeyed, closing her eyes for a moment. “We agreed that you would <em> rest </em>,” she continued in a calmer tone. “That you would take a break until we went off with the nerd squad into space again. But I’ve barely seen you since that night, Adora. You just kept rushing ahead and forget the consequences. I love you, Adora. I can’t lose you because you refuse to take care of yourself. I can’t lose you at all.”</p><p>Adora bit her lip, tears brimming in her eyes. “I’m sorry,” she said miserably. “I love you too.”</p><p>“I know,” Catra sighed. “I’m just - I’m scared Adora. Scared that one day you’ll go too far and not come back. A world without you right beside me isn’t one I want to exist in. And before you go saying that’s cute, remember: I pulled the lever to a portal I knew had a chance of at least destroying part of the world because you refused to stay with me. So it’s been an unhealthy feeling, but it’s still true.”</p><p>Finally, a little bit of Adora’s personality snuck through as she snorted. “Will you remind me?” she asked. “When I’m messing up?”</p><p>“Every minute. I will take great joy in telling you you’re wrong, Adora,” Catra teased. “But mostly, just let me love you. Let your friends love you the way you deserve, not because you <em> earned </em>it by saving the world, but because everyone deserves love. Didn’t you tell me that?”</p><p>“Using my own words against me you can’t do that,” Adora protested, but she was nodding at the same time and pulling Catra closer to her body. “I love you,” she murmured into the fur on Catra’s chest, nuzzling in so that it tickled her nose. </p><p>Catra sighed and planted a kiss on the top of Adora’s head. “Promise me you’ll talk to Perfuma and start taking better care of yourself,” she pleaded. “I can’t help if you won’t help yourself. You take such good care of me, why won’t you let me do the same?” Her tail wrapped around Adora’s wrist and ran through her palm, every inch of her aching to be touching Adora, to surround her and keep her safe all the time. Make up for lost time.</p><p>“I’ll try,” Adora promised. “I might be bad at it.”</p><p>“We’re all unlearning things that kept us alive when we were kids,” Catra allowed that concession. “Just remember: everyone loves <em> you </em>Adora. Not She-Ra. I vetted all of them when I first got here.” She paused to wait for Adora’s laughter to die down, thrilled even months later that that was something she got to do every day now. “And if they ever prove me wrong, I’ll get rid of them.” Catra tugged the collar of Adora’s sleep tank down so she could press a kiss to the scar seared into her chest by the failsafe. </p><p>Adora shivered at the sensation, the skin still sensitive even though it had healed quickly. “Just phantom pain,” she whispered, finally removing herself from the dream completely. </p><p>This. This right here. Catra acting like a heated blanket, purring and wrapped around every inch of Adora she could reach. Begging Adora to just let herself be loved. This was real. She deserved this. She could want this.</p><p>Adora let herself want, and Catra was more than willing to give.</p>
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